Dark Dark Dark – Daydreaming
So, I managed to resist mentioning a certain name, though the song I would have chosen is beautiful and I love the lines She’s gone but I’m alive…I’m coming in the graveyard to sing you to sleep, now.
Honestly, I was at a bit of a loss for this one, but I do like this song. After all the ones I listened to, this just kinda sounded right – at the very least from an aesthetic level.
My mother always said that she wanted Samba Pa Ti by Santana played at her funeral. It was one of her favourite songs and I think it was a good choice, as I find it to be one of the most lyrical pieces of instrumental music I’ve heard. I like the way it commiserates, consoles and then enlightens as the song progresses. Good song for a funeral, then.
We played it when she died, but not how she wanted it. When her coffin was lowered into the pyre¹, Here I Go Again by Whitesnake was playing, and Samba Pa Ti wasn’t played until everyone was leaving the chapel. This happened because of one very important thing – my mother’s funeral wasn’t for her, it was for the people that were still alive. The song that played was the song that embodied her partner’s grief. I don’t know what consolation that brought him, but I hope there was some.
My main point is, I have no idea what song I want played at my funeral – I won’t be there and I won’t be the one that needs to have things done a certain way. I don’t really know if people want to be comforted, reminded, distracted or anything else when they attend a funeral; I’ve only attended two and they were at the ages 0f 14 and 15, and the things I wanted had little to do with ceremony, or the music that accompanied it.
The first – my mother’s – I just wanted to go home. No… I wanted to still be at home; where things were unchanged and nothing was missing. The second was for my friend’s father. He died on the same date as my mother exactly one year later, which was weird. They sang gospel hymns during his funeral – California Blue by Roy Orbison was his favourite song. The only thing I can remember saying to my friend is ‘I know‘. For all the music, this seemed to be the thing she needed to hear, because as soon as I did, she grabbed on to me and burst into tears, suddenly able to let go of her grief and the anger she directed at everyone else there who was sad but “didn’t know”.
So maybe this is a choice that has to be left to those that are left behind. Maybe it doesn’t matter, and there are other things people need to hear more. Either way, I guess ultimately I don’t care which song ‘they’ choose, and if I died sometime soon, the me that’s dead probably wouldn’t care either. But the me right now – the alive one - well, I have some things, some people, I’m not ready to be without just yet. More importantly, I’m not ready for them to be without me.
1. It wasn’t actually a pyre in the strictest sense, but furnace, kiln or “big flame-y thing”, sounded weird.