Today, I submit another trivial post – purely for the entertainment (hopefully) – and quite possibly derision and scorn (not so hopefully) – of others. With the exception of the last quote, all of the follwing were spoken by people I know, and witnessed personally. In the interest of fairness, I have included myself in this exercise. If anyone can guess which dumb quote/s can be attributed to me, I’ll give them…a jelly bean…or something equally as delicious – whatever’s handy.
Person A : (Points to a DVD box set behind the counter at a store) That Evil Dead Trilogy box set… Is that all three, is it?
Shop assisstant: … I would think so.
Person A: (In a movie theatre, as the film begins) Shhhhh!!!
Person B: Oh, yeah…sorry. I forget how loud I’m talking with these sunglasses on.
Real Time Solutions
Person A: (after having their busness robbed for the third time) It’s really disappointing, we’ve put so much into keeping this business running and it just makes you feel like giving up completely.
Person B: I know one thing that could help.
Person A: (Looking hopeful) What’s that?
Person B: A time machine.
Someday, She’ll Be A Real Girl
Person A: (Relating a story to a group of people, decides that a practical demonstration is necessary and turns to a female sitting next to him) Pretend you’re a girl for a minute.
Two Bright Sparks
Person A: (Removing the cap from a bottle of liquid nail polish remover and smelling it) The fumes from this stuff can be pretty dangerous. (Puts bottle on the table without replacing the cap, which subsequently gets spilt all over the table).
Person B: (Igniting a lighter) I wonder if this stuff is flammable…
Next Time You Decide To Warn Me…
The following quote is one I heard on an Australian TV show last week. It’s called Bondi Rescue, and it depicts the real-life trials and tribulations of surf lifeguards on Sydney’s Bondi Beach. The fact that this was written by one person, approved (I assume) by another, and then ultimately spoken by the narrator, without anyone asking if it even made sense, just makes it that much worse…
Narrator: Then, without warning, the shark alarm sounded.