Gotye – Hearts A Mess
(Not so) Favourite Spider – Huntsman on My Window
As I write this, that spider up there and I have been having a staring contest for about an hour. Or, to be more precise, its been winning consistently for about an hour, because I keep looking away. And it hasn’t even blinked one of its eight eyes.
It dashed up into my line of sight and sent me flying out of my chair, heart in mouth, while I tried to determine just exactly which side of the glass it was on and, and then just sat there, dead still. Looking at me. We have this little thing going on – it looks like it’s waiting for me to do something, and I’m definitely waiting for it to do something. So we sit and wait until we’re comfortable enough with each other to do something more.
24 Hours Later…
I’m almost at ease with the distant presence of this spider; which is a little strange because it seems like it’s eliciting the slowest, most obvious stalk ever. It creeps to various vantage points on the window intermittently, as though it’s performing a calm, gratuitous moving along with a sideways glance so as to appear inconspicuous, then stops to continue peeping through my window. It reminds me of those cartoon spies who follow their targets with newspapers at the ready, ducking behind them should their object of pursuit get suspicious and turn around. I almost expect to hear a soft, casual whistle while the spider moves to its next spot, all eight eyes looking anywhere but at me.
Spiders most definitely are not a favourite thing of mine, at least not on the traditional sense. I probably fear them (irrationally, for the most part) just as much as I admire them. The golden wheel spider is incredibly cool, but even the ones that can’t cartwheel down sand dunes at the (relative) equivalent of 300km per hour do some amazing, fascinating things. Maybe soon I’ll work up the courage to have a little conversation and ask this one if there’s anything in the world it finds amazing. Or if it really is more scared of me than I am of it.
Fear, of course, is quite often not about probabilities (of which logic plays a major role), but possibilities (of which logic can at times play no part at all). Knowing that something isn’t very likely to hurt you isn’t always enough to make you feel safe to get close enough and give it the opportunity. Believing that I have greater capacity to hurt this spider than it does me, does nothing to take away the possibility that it could.
I’m ok with this spider being on the other side of my window, waiting for whatever it’s waiting for, being amazed at whatever it finds amazing, with its distance ensured by an impenetrable shield of glass. But I wonder how happy it would be to stay that close to me if it had just the tiniest inkling what I would be capable of if it managed to find a way inside. Perhaps it does know, perhaps it’s sitting there being amazed – or amused – at the idea this other creature in the world would turn from mildly curious observer to panicking predator if it was 5 milimetres closer.
On that note, the theme song for the huntsman on my window is Gotye‘s Hearts A Mess – chosen in part for the rather apt and very cool film clip, but mostly for all the other things it unwittingly made me think about.